Designer : PauLeNe
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this blog is about my life through my eyes
any feelings hurt or spirt crushed will not be
not be held against the mangement of this blog(meaning me)
if you wish you voice out any unhappiness due to the blog
or otherwise look out for my tagboard where you can voice
your opinion about the blog and/or it's contents
any personal unsatisfactions about me will be taken up
in my presence to my face
entries in this blog are how i feel at that moment in time
and not my everyday presence of mind
feelings and opinions change so do not hold me accountable
for any kind of misinterpretation of the blog

i hv now taken to bloggin everyday i tell u i m so bored...i surprise myself...while evry1 is doin things they wanna do i hv 2 stick 2 my really boring job tat day by day becoming more n more terrible...i m gettin really terrified of answerin any calls anymore!!!...ppl rn't always nice...i noe i shld get a hobby but i come home tired tat i really don hv e strength 2 get up n do anythin...mayb i shld take up running...i hv read tat it is really liberatin plus it is gd 4 e health...um plus i need e excersie...as in i m uber unfit...UBER!!...anyways i realised tat i had my 1st actual proper meals..as in a meal wif carbs protein n veggies...today nite....it has bn a solid 5 days since i ate properly....in fact i had been eatin rather like a mouse....i was nauseated on sat cos i had a really awefrul bag of tapioca chips...i will off e chips for at least 2 mnths!!!...n i used 2 love them...but nw i juz wanna vomit wen i think bout it...fact tat i didnt eat tat nite didnt help e matter...um...plus other things(puffy)...which i didnt take properly...so tat also ike made things a whole lot worse....sighs lah...anyways my appitaite is comin to me slowly...at snail pace....but it is returnin....um...u noe i had so lil sugar i was gettin emotional, delusional n blur(as it is i m blur)..so i was nt goin crazy after all....seeing them eveywher....well i hope tat they decide to come 2 s'pore...cos my s'pore buddies r like busy wif their exams....plus who else m i gonna drink wif anyways!!...lol!...i seriously need some kind of good distraction...from tis job which i m bounded by contract 2 work for at least 2 mnths....sighs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....

it has been like 4eva since i like blogged in tis blog...but i m bored...
work trainin is BORING!!!..n i m goin 2 b like in traing for like another week..sighs
will only b in loggin in on monday if i m 'lucky'...tat is considered lucky...sighs...
i am going crazy i m seein my m'sain buddies everywher...seriously like i thot i saw divs walkin in front of me n turning to smile at me...i saw dhaya jump out of the doorway...ajay camwhorin...priyanan n sheela laughing at wat ajay wld hv said....rando was sitting behind me in laughin at dhaya...toh sitting next to ajay n crakin jokes wif him...n xin ni was talkin to lorraine...aarti smilin at me from e corner of e room while priyada who was behind her was talkin 2 one of my collgues...arvindah in his tiny car on e road...seriously!!!....i was like WTF!!!!....i was seriously goin to cry...n didnt noe y...it all seemed so nostalgic langkawi-ish...somethin inside me juz snapped...like majorly...n it is like i m goin to b in s'pore for a mnth n already i m like tis..can u imagine e state i wld b in wen i m like actually leavin..SIGHS!!!...

apart 4om tat my trip 2 m'sia was quite fun despite e fact tat i like didnt get 2 c quite a few ppl....which i m like quite sad bout...but nevertheless i needed ta kind of fun...well apart from tat...let me see i finally got e whole ciggy thing....seriously some ppl juz said i was doin it wrong wifout tellin wat was wrong...i m okay lah a bit smart but i obviously dont noe alot of things u noe!!!....i m only human...i noe tat i m HOT!!..can u belief it...okay i am not hot all e time but tat green top!!!...freakin best investment i made lah!!!....consevative yet smokin!!!(pun unintended!!)...lol!!!...plus some other things like ppl gawkin did help....lol!!...juz kiddin..but passin comments wer heard...anyways got 2 go...

we all do want the same things because who doesnt want peace on earth n e greenry remainin in place for all other generations to see...ppl always wan 2 pass along their heirlooms down to their children but they always forget that the earth is one big heirloom that every1 shares...now wld any1 wan to recieve a catcat heirloom that is fallin apart at the seams....well of course not then i think we shold try 2 preserve it n give 2 our children the way we got it...in reasonable condition...not in on big world-ending event....juz think bout it...consider the consequences b4 doin anythin...tat's wat i do...but sometimes...it will not be in ur best interests...trust me i know....but it is best for every1 else concerned...live wif n without it....but we can can nort live without our earth....mother earth has actually been very patient with us....VERY patient...so be grateful...cos we dont hv much time left...so ppl SAVE EARTH...to SAVE OURSELVES!!!...honestly we r e only species on earth who likes to kill other species for fun n laughter...n in the process try 2 kill ourselves...sighs guess its time to learn....

i hv no idea y i have tat title but i feel like i need a title for every post...tis i feel meets it the most...um...weird...u noe shaz..told me she needed a bf...i m nt shocked or anythin...i juz feel tat for once tat she seems to get me on tat issuse tat hv plagued me to no end!!.......i mean seriously i hv no idea y...i completely capable..independent...okay looking gal who has a great passion for the arts n life itself...theh y on earth shld i need a guy to validate me!!...i dont need a man by the PCD...was my anthem for a while n still is at times but nw it is gettin to be more like..I'm you man(woman in my case) by micheal buble...frankly it is borderin on pathetic...i tell u somethin someppl juz can not kkep somethiongs to themselves...i tell u....they juz hv 2 tell e world wat they herad so that their ego gets a boost!...well GOOD 4 them!!...but NOT 4 me!..u noe wat kind of damage it can do if someppl heard things like tat!...another DRAMA!!!...drama to me is good as long as it does not invovle me!!....me n drama not a good combination!!

sighs!!..

well other then tat...i hv a job...sighs it is ptttttt....cos like i am on training!!...sighs...it is so boring..actually can not wait till i get behind the fone...tat is wen i think e fun beings..i wanna see e limits of my pateince n wittyness n quick-thinkinness...lol..plus i like finding out wat ppl r like...um..its interesting well looks like it is ingrained in my sign the scorpio....here have a look n tell me how much of it reflects to who i m...http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scorpio_%28astrology%29#Characteristics..at wikipedia..lol mayb u can check out ur sign reflect who u really r!!...trust me it explains y i love romance love novels..how i percieve ppl hw i tink of my buddies n ppl in general...plus hw i react to certain situations...some things r incedibly acurate...um...looks like i m a thorough bred scorpio....well almost thorough!!!

well i don understand wat is wrong wif me...i really dont....i actually turned down eating durian!!!...i turned it DOWN!!!!.....ARRRGHHH!!!....there r so many things....so many things that r like bothering me to no end...

1. Ajay let already 2 ireland...he is off on his adventure in2 the deep ocean of 'knowledge'...while i gave up my only opportunity to go to the land i want to the most....the UK...to do something tat my father is not confident tat i will be good at despite me wanting to do tat...n all i have left of tat dream is the song...."in foggy london town" by Michael buble...it sucks even more cos he is leaving n we cant juz decide to like meet up and catch up on the coll goss n juz have fun wif each other wen we feel like it....n e biggest thing is tat i dont noe if will ever see him again....i hv already bauled my eyes out...

2. Priyanan is also planning on leaving...n its e following week!!....she juz sprang it on us...n she is MIGRATING!!!...so it will be harder to see her agin...but we will have to find other ways to keep in touch...that sucks even more....i am like really going to l;ike miss her u noe....%$#*@....

3. oh that the cream on the cake......i ALMOST had a moment....ALMOST!!!!....$%#^&*!!!....it is not a bad kinda moment it is the good kind...n it sucks even more cos like wanted it to happen....it was goin to happen...but like a bubble...poof it was gone...n i will neva get it again...so it DIDN'T happen!!!!!!...

4.plus it does not help wen u r second guesing youself n your life n all tat u hope to be...

so right now all i feel like saying is.....#$%^&#%$*@!!!!!!!.....