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Thursday, April 05, 2007
hello to all my buddies frends n now bitches n bastards(who r now readin e bog)(to their great pleasure) tis has officalli been e worst week of tis year...i hv neva felt so mad, miserable and embaressed n lonely eva...i mean seriousli!!!the perfect little sphere of happiness tat i was living in is utterli destroyed....i hv no peace....juz hanging out n being me...well let me start from e beginning...
on thurs last week M stopped tokin 2 me...it was so damn sudden tat i was totalli taken aback...after many attempts in tryin 2 get her 2 tok 2 me....i asked her on mon wat was up....well then i realised wat i was so naive bout....i am goin 2 com erite out n say it....i likeD ajay....word here is LIKED....i mean i was not tat happy wen he got 2gether wif priya...nt cos i wanted him...nw i didnt hv any1 2 flirt wif...yesss ppl i love 2 flirt..(oh i can see e grin on all e gossip mongers faces)....well u wanted dirt so i am givin some.l.i realised tat i hv a new found fame....n i am goin 2 milk it for all its got...well bck 2 e flirtin thing...i dont flirt wif juz any1 mind u....i mean it is nt like he gets uncomfortable or somethin....he is totalli cool bout it....n well now i can do somethin i totalli love 2 flirt...i mean once he is wif priya then i can nt flirt wif him rite...he i sumbody else's guy so tat is y i was nt too happy...anyways bck 2 e worst week of e yr....
well after M tells me bout the current situation she tells me to call n tlk 2 e gang n ajay......i quite aware tat the gang knew bout it but i didnt realise tat they may nt like it that i show...tat much attention 2 ajay....well fine...i call them n tok 2 them excpt arrti cos she like neva answered her fone so she is still on hold i guess.....but e rest i toked 2....after sortin it all out wif them i call bck M....nw M is a very persuasive person...n i always thot highli of her.....so she tells me u hv 2 call ajay....tis i really didnt want 2 do cos well it will make things weird for me....but in e confidence tat she will tok 2 me wen we r bck in coll....but anyways i grit my teeth say a prayer...n call him i hv neva done tis 2 any guy in my entire life....eva n trust me i liked a large no. of guys....well after tokin 2 him e nxt day i go bck 2 coll...n M is still nt tokin 2 me....nw i am like um....she did mention somethin bout bein uncomfortable wif me likin ajay which i still can not understand y....anywyays i was like okay lah she might need some time i will like let her breathe...but then she sends me a msg tat nite n tells me oh we shld nt be hanging out cos she is feelin weird.....she out rite told me tat she did nt wan 2 b frends wif me anymore....i was in short devestaed n veri angry...nw i can nt tok 2 ajay straight or look at him in e eye co si was feelin tat uncomfortable.... i tell u i was so angry at her..i neva wanted ajay 2 noe bout e whloe me likein him thing esp from my mouth...cos i noe tat it will die ourt n i will go bck 2 likin him as a fend juz tat i get 2 flirt wif him...i mean i was so upset i was cryin i dont cry...but like...i mean seriousli....i coll oso i was like goin 2 cry nw cos every1 is avoidin me cos they r afrid 2 b in M's bad books..i hv a feelin tat e whole class noes tat i Liked ajay....but i really dont care...i was juz hurt tat she cld do such a thing....dharrini was like some ppl r like tat...i mean it is nt like i am datin him rite...she is not even tat close 2 ajay....she ike footballers n checks guys out...but it is wrong for me 2 like ajay...i amlike e kind of person who r4eally loves all my frends iwld do close 2 anything n stand by them in any kind of storm if they needed me 2 i wld excpt them for who they r n love them wif all i hv got...i was juz so upset cos wen M said those things they hurt cos it seems 2 me tat she wld not do wat i wld do for her....she even suggested that i shld apologise 2 the gang n ajay.....n i was like 4 WAT!!...tat i am human n a 17 yr old tat i shld hv feeling for ppl who of e opp. sex....i didnt betray them i didnt hang out wif them cos of ajay i hung out wif them cos i loved them all...they made my life perfect....i as always happy wen i was wif them if i was feelin emo i wld like get over it wen i was wld them cos they were so funny n so geniue....but nw i feel like they r like avoidin me....but then so many ppl r like avoidin me....i am becomin so emo n rude n so frustrated i dono wat 2 do wif all this tension...i hv bn ripping paper 2 shredds...so nt like e environmentalist me...i get so angry sometimes in e middle of class i hv 2 scream n i go 2 e toilet expt it is nt really urgent for me i juz needed 2 get away.....i am like so totalli sad okay...i dont really noe wat i am like goin 2 do...even tsi ngar n pei ann r like avoidin me.....
well i hv like news for u i am gettin things frm ppl like oh i heard u dont like lydia n tarec...juz cos they read e blog...again wif the mis reading.....i love them they r like so funny n nice...n really smart....but cos in dont noe them well as e rest of e gang i dont really noe hw 2 tok 2 them cos i cant tok 2 them e way tat the gang toks 2 them....i mean really....i was juz unsure....ppl ppl if wan 2 read this blog i suggest u read in btwn e lines for some things n take surface value 4 others cos i am like dont write for ppl who dont noe me i write for ppl who noe me inside out of outside in...ppl who understand me will realise tat wat i say may or may nt mean wat it means...so get wif e program...or screw u....
oh e best part i didnt evn find joy in e fact tat i was one of the top 6 or 7 in class for bio test...tis is e 1st time i did so well in a bio test eva....n i ddint even feel remoteli happy....the best part i was juz dying 2 get a offer frm imperial ...n guess wat i did....n guess wat i am juz totallui miserable....oh n e icing on e cake.....i wld like 2 say...i actualli for once in along long time look gd in pitures taken by a cmera....n u guessed it ui didnt feel a thing.....so u guessed my emotional situation...so plz.....wioll some1 juz ask my hw i am really feelin b4 i burst.....
but i wld like 2 say b4 i like leave....if i did do anything wrong 2 e gang i am juz sori...i really am i didnt mean it if i was rude in ur face bitchy or even mean 2 u guys i am sori....i really am....i juz dont noe wat else 2 say....i juz give up okay....