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this blog is about my life through my eyesany feelings hurt or spirt crushed will not be
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entries in this blog are how i feel at that moment in time
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Wednesday, November 08, 2006
yes life's little surprises....sometimes they r gd sometimes they r really bad n u wish they never existed....well anyways...u noe life is kinda weird for me...i noticed...tat even though i neva like had more then 1 bf...i always like hv a crush on some1 or like some1..or somethin like that...u sometimes i think tat i like guys 4 e sake of liking them rather then who they r...i dont understand y....i mean wats so great bout them amyways...they mostly morons to the maximum most of the time...i usually hate their annoying habits and shallow converstions...i mean i noe i am nt heidous or anythin like tat...but....i know i am not pretty either...no guy has said that i was hot or sexy or juz plain pretty....well expt 4 ajay but tat doesnt count he is my frend he kinda has 2 b nice 2 me...no guy has actually said n meant it...u noe...i mean i guess i feel sometimes ther is like no excitement in my life n feel like i hv 2 make my own drama...if u can call it that....cos frankly i tell u i never get anywher with them now i really wont cos...lil miss f***herself has bn sayin things n makin me look like some kind of bf stealer..u noe maneater...u noe...but nw i really hv no hope...seriousli...look at me i am a real piece of work...i am not pretty or skinny or tat talented in anything special i appear like a goody 2 shoes...but honestli i am gonna tell u somethin...i really really like him...as in shawn...yah yah i said i stopped likein n all tat bull but somehow i donno...i neva actualli stopped likin him....i was juz tryin 2 convice myself n my frends tat...but i was lyin 2 myself...i guess i juz hv 2 stand in e distance n look at him...knowin tat he will neva know...thank god 2 it will juz freak in out n send him runnin...like e wind...sigh wateva lah i donno why i evn do tis 2 myself....sometimes i feel i juz do this 2 like fill some kinda hole in me..u noe...like a i am not good enough hole..which is ther starin at me...i juz wish i had some1 who loves me like tat...u noe 2 look at u n get all smiley or hv his eyes light up wenever he says my name or vice versa...well who am i kidding...myself...tat's neva gonna happen...i am juz mis ordinary plain jane...whpo will end up livin in a ordinary plain hse...livin n ordinary plain life....but i dont want tat i want life with drama...a fantastic hse...n all those kind of things....but oh well right..oh well