Designer : PauLeNe
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this blog is about my life through my eyes
any feelings hurt or spirt crushed will not be
not be held against the mangement of this blog(meaning me)
if you wish you voice out any unhappiness due to the blog
or otherwise look out for my tagboard where you can voice
your opinion about the blog and/or it's contents
any personal unsatisfactions about me will be taken up
in my presence to my face
entries in this blog are how i feel at that moment in time
and not my everyday presence of mind
feelings and opinions change so do not hold me accountable
for any kind of misinterpretation of the blog

Guess wat!!!....i managed 2 get premier tix 2...SUPERMAN RETURNS!!!!....well..2 be honest...i am nt really lookin tat forward 2 tat movie...i mean....i wld like 2 catch tat movie...but nt really tat in2 it....but e fact tat i managed 2 get preimer tix..is amazin...well i hv 2 thk nazeeya....Wee!...i mean well she can be a bit overwhlemin but mos of e time....she is pretty okay n sometimes pretty cool....so thnks a bunch nazeeya.....well otherwise...2day was pretty okay.....
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My Wildest Dreams

Well let me put it tis way..i hv a lot of dreams.....

in no particular order....

-to hv my very own fashion line....which has a new line every season....n it is showcased in New York Fashion Show...
-to become a journalist n report from e front lines....in Africa....Iraq...Iran....anywhere....
-to become part of the humanitarian efforts....in Africa India....sri Lanka..
-become a meditator for the nations in confflict....
-become an offical UN ambassador....
-Produce an alternate Paper..or wood source....so that e forests r preserved...
-bring back all e extict animals...tat humans wiped out....
-Build enough homes on e existin cleared land for future generations...so tat..no more forests need 2 b cleared...
-discover food source tat can be grown easily....n which produces more yield per mtre square compared 2 genetic rice...so tat everyone will hv food n the organic people r happy....
-discover cure for cancer, aids, alzmeirs.....or just 1 elixier tat can solve all of e worlds dieases...
so tat people can die in peace rather then pain....
-get a Nobel prize....for either science or peace....
-free all women from being surpressed....
-become the 1st female president of S'pre or Prim Minister Of M'asia...
-free this world of all evil...
-hv e power of healin...(yea yea i know....alif oso wants e same power...but i wanted it longer then....i didnt say me 2 then(wen he said i wish i had power of healin)...cos tat will juz look plain despo lah....i hv my pride ok...
-married Orlando Bloom..or Justin(not timberlake).....(or Both!!....juz Kiddin..).....
-met oprah!!!..or lived in Hollywood LA...


well tat shld be it......i think....

well i 4got 2 tell u bout my really stupid cat..no i am serious...we let our cat out in e garden 2 run around n b left alone..tis is usually durin e day..cos he wont leave e compound if e whether is too hot or windy..or etc...but at night is wen he becomes restless...so anyways yesterday..he was let out and we decided 2 let him stay outside longer...but my cat wen roamin out of e compound 2 e opp hse...i noticed e cat was missin n i cld nt hear e jigglin sound....so me n my lil sis armed wif a flashlight....wen lookin 4 him...then she spotted him..in e opp hse...e hse is under construction..so it is like dangerous 4 e cat....but my cat wen over cos e place was quiet....i stood at e gate cos my cat is scared of me wen it is outside...but will come 2 me for attention if it wants some n no 1 is at home or if me n mum r e only ones at hm....but it is nt afraid of my sister...anyways...my sister walks across n suddenly out of nowhere tis stray cat comes....n tat cat spots my cat...it gets all hissy n i makes tis really scary sound..live a really loud growl..i didnt wan my sis 2 get scratched by tis cat.....so i go up 2 get my brother....he is younger tahan me n is a bout a whole head taller then me....but he was hvin a bath...so i come down i find my dad's shoe puttin on thing...i take it with me...but as i was walkin over....my sis mangaed 2 scare away e stray....during e whole time my cay the bodoh...does nothing...he does nt get in2 fight mode of even looks scared....he actualli turned his back 2 e stray n turned 2 look at it....the stray's fur was standin up n had it's back arched....but my cat was all like really relaxed..he was more in2 e idea of lookin in2 e constructn site...stupid rite....my mum says tat it was mostli being diplomatic...DIPLOMATIC!!!!.....wat onli rite..wat if e other cat pounched on him.....my cat may wif no fightin experience wil hv 2 up against a seasoned stray.....my cat did not even cower in fear or run away....aiyoh....

well today was okay i supp...no in fact it was pretty gd....well malay class was okay after tat i wen n met sha n alif...b4 goin 2 Beatty 2 collect my cert....i saw ms james....she is still e same...but didnt c e singh..thank goodness...hehehe....well anyways...alifi is so super funny..n sooooo freakin adorable....he is like e perfect shoppin buddy...is nt indecisive like kohila....or chinky like nazeeya....or juz plain nt in2 shoppin sprees like sha....he is like so funny....his voice is nice 2 listen 2 u noe...not like low low likesome ppl....or too high...juz nice...i don noe y ppl make fun of his voice ther is nothin funny bout it....cos i hv heard seriousli weird voices...u once i was in e lift wif this guy i think an ang moh...n he was givin passes at me...he was so-so...he looked like he was gonna ask me somethin..but at e last minute chickened out kinda thing...then on tat same day during e break in my malay class...he was walkin up e corridor...he looked in2 my room...i was ther alone..n juz like 3 seconds later...walked in e opp. direction...again lookin in my room...wat onli rite...hahaha...... he muz seriousli wonder which country i am from 2 hv such wildly frizzy hair....anyways...wat was i sayin..yes alif...he is like so likeable..can totalli see y sha is best frends wif him...n stilll so fuckin cute lah....wasted lah....he shld seriousli dump his partner....he can totalli do better....like me....hahaha...juz self-promotin...but i noe i noe tat he has a long way 2 go b4 he even looks my way....u noie...anyways even if he has moved halfway along e way....i am avalible...n trust me i will most likeli still b avalible wen he changes....tat is e sad state in which my love life is in.....*sigh*....

This week is GREAT!!!!...well malay classes hv started..i luv my malay teacher..or shall i say cikgu...he is like super super nice....n he is super good....i hv learnt quite a bit..all i hv 2 do nw is remeber it...hahahaha...ha....well anyways...on monday i wen 2 meet anu...we caught up with each other...she hasnt changed much....well hw can she is allready too wise for her age...i noe inoe i makin her sound old...but she really is.....on tuesday wen 2 see e movie Cars...i am not really sure which is my fave...but i really like Luigi and Guido....the ferrari lovers....n Sally cos she is a porshe....Filmore and mater r really funny....







Well on wednesday...i wen out wif my mum juz 2 go look see e sale....didnt really buy anythin...juz lingerie...i can neva hv enough lingerie...anyways...aftertat on thurs...i wen 2 meet sha...n her frends...they r all really cool....i don really think they liked me much cos...u noe hw i am such a geek, freak, pain..cos u noe i am actualli meetin them 4 e 2nd time in e same mnth...so they muz think i am some kind of loser who has no other frends...n u noe i hv 2 come n crash their 'chill' time....well i was wearin green....i wasnt really wearin it cos i was bein all flirty...i was wearin cos i wanted 2 see his reaction...i noe his position on females....so ther is nothin i can do to change tat....but like i thot he wld..like i think wat many guys wld do....to me anyways...he kinda was actin a bit ..umm...distant...well i cant really blame him...all guys feel werid around me so u noe it was no real surprise....anyways let's not go ther..k....then on e same day after meetin them for lunch i wen 2 meet nazeeya....here r e neoprints.....i look really sexy in this 2 shots....u














noe...then i came home..i did tis scan tat shows ur "health"....it is really complicated....n it has somethin 2 do wif carotids...anyways...my reading...was average...i doo live in m'asia...anyways....after tat we wen out 4 dinner...n u will neva belief it but...my mum actuali bought me a iPOD VIDEO!!!!!.....can u belief it...she told me she was buyin 4 me a nano....so i told her i wanted it in black....but it turns out she actuali got me a iPOD Video...it was supp 2 b for e o'levels..i was supp 2 get a iPod video if i got less then 10 pts...i got 13 pts..nt includin CCA.....so u noe i feel like i didnt deserve it..n i always feel like i don deserve stuff esp. wen it is expensive....i don noe y..i feel like i am nt worth all the money n effort...basicalli i feel worthless alot...like Oprah says...e Not Enough Syndrome....esp wen i go out wif my frends...i worry alot bout my family's finacial status now tat i am livin in m'asia...u noe edu is nt cheap...n Uni esp...n everi time they spend cos i wan somethin... i feel like i am being selfish..n self-centred....i don noe lah..i juz feel like if i packed up n left 2 do work or 2 study on my own expense..like takin u a loan or somethin..it will be a whole lot better 4 my dad..n family....i don noe lah....well..yup....tat's me...today is friday so i am takin a breather....

no it is not as explict as u think..i am sane n still a virgin but....i hv lost IT...i am nt really sure wat it is but wen i found of tat one of my best frend..has lost her virginity...nt tat i am surprised..2 a guy she bareli noes for bout a mnth...i suddenly feel different..i don noe why but suddenly..i done feel so young..i feel old...well nt old-granny old..juz older...u noe...like i hv finally lost all my naiveness...i mean i am nt naive..i noe stuff...lotsa stuff bout lotsa things..but...u noe like i am nt a girl anymore...not yet a woman...wait tat line juz sounded like tat britney song...eeeewwww...eek...anyways...i feel weird..i guess i kept thinkin tat as long as all of us(u noe my best frends...) saved ourselves...we r still young we hv nt yet crossed in2 e adult world...u noe...but rite now..i feel like i juz put my toes across tat line tat seperates...the non-adult world 2 e adult world...i don noe..i juz feel weird..i supp i am makin a big deal out of nothin..rite....y muz i b so dramatic...mayb i am juz veri lame...or childish..i don noe..sigh..lah...u noe wen she told me tat she lost it...i was nt surprised or u noe shocked...but wen she said she did nt use protection i felt like smakin her across e face..i mean wat was she thinkin...juz cos he did not 'spray' inside her does not mean tat she cant get pregnant...wat e point of all e sex ed wen no 1 is payin attention..so she might nt get pregnent...u noe cause her period is pretty irregular..she can still get STDs...wateva lah..n e best part..she claimed tat she was 'possessed'..i seriousli almost ran over 2 yher hse juz 2 kick her in e ass...POSSESSED!!!..that is so LAME!!..u r nt possessed if u can move 4om e playgrd 2 e blks wen things r gettin hot n heavy...u had e time 4 e walk/run 4om e playgrd 2 e blks 2 decide if u really wanted 2 do it or nt...GOD!!!...i actualli told her tat..but in a less fierce tone..i mean e 1st time is supp 2 b special u noe..not some ..some hit n run kinda thing...well wateva...i guess all e other guys who wer tryin 2 get in her pants r hittin their heads against the wall...n tat she will neva learn...

I am so totally bored i can die u noe tat....but nxt week will be jam packed wif stuff 2 do..i will hv 2 time 2 b bored...mon to fri i hv 2 go 4 malay lessons in e morn...in e afternoon i hv plans wif anu on monday, nazeeya on tues, wednes evenin i am goin 4 some fashion show at zouk, thurs wif kohila, n i hv 2 make a date wif my old sch frend...another wif sha..make time 2 go shoppin wif my mum..catch a filem wif my siblings and attend dance classes!!!!....GOODNESS!!!....
u noe sometimes i cant help but hate myself for various reasons...
1. my never ending breakouts it is like a war on my face
2.my big mouth(it is HUGE..i mean tat both figureativeli n literali)
3.my thunder thighs...and a huge saggy butt that goes along wif it..
4. my uncontrollable hormones...(god ther is like neva a week wen i am nt likin some guy)..
5. being too interested..(wen i like a guiy i kinda a go a bit flirty wen i c that person or my attention is 80% of e time on tat person...
6.my huge green-eyed-monster(it is so big i can no longer be fit in2 e living room)..
7.hw my green-eyed monster keeps gettin bigger...n bigger cos i am allowin it 2..
8. my really small self-eestem(dont get me wrong i do hv times when i feel like a million bucks but...it only like lasts for like millisecond..)
9. my fear of being rejected...(tis is e problem y i cant find any dates)
10. my major inferiority complex..it is sooo complex...even the pyscologist cant figure it out...(not tat i hv 1)
even u will hate me...sigh..wat can i say...i am juz nt perfect...wen ppl say tat no1 is perfect ther r bullshittin u...cos every1 excpt e bitches n bimbos...n me r perfect.. take it from me..u may nt be perfect in ur own eyes..but damn u r definetly more perfect than me...

i noe it has been almost like 6 mnths since i last wrote and tons of things hv happened...i am now studying in M'sia studying..duh rite...well i hv made friends...but i had my really down times..wen i had a meltdown..u noe hw i am a kind of person who can b by herself..independent if i hv 2..but i was so depressed at one point cos i had no real frends..like close frends..n i hit rock bottom..i like had a meltdown u noe...well otherwise i had met same new ppl had a crushes on 3 diff guys who r all diff..well one of then is justin's brother..he is quite cute..he is really nice..but in e end i realised that he n i r so nt compatable...another was shawn..cute but is sombong...vishnu...was rwally nice guy nt really gd lookin...but super nice..but he really loves tis bitch...oh i am nt callin her tat cos he is in love with rather cos...i thot she was a bitch since e day i saw her...cos she is one...she thinks she is alll tat cos she has e perfect hair n teeth n bod...i cant stand her..will anyways...i hv 2 tell u bout tis converstn...i had wif adrian who is justin's brther...e 1 i had a crush on...u will neva belief it...anyways i told my aunts (shyamala n loshini)bout e eatin thing...n adrian was ther 2... he took it rather well tat muz hv bn e thing tat made me like him...anyways i was talkin...2 him n i asked him...who he wld date e gal e gal in e red or e pink..he said RED!!...that was me...of course he cld b juz sayin tat cos i was e 1 askin him...but still tat was e turnin point...although i got over all those guys n i am nw in s'pore...i was secertli hopin tat i wld get a date here....n 2day i met sha's frend...HE is SOO CUTE...n so super nice...he is like perfect boyfriend material...but he has a bit of a problem...it is nt really sumthin i can say...but it does nt really change hw i feel bout him..anyways..I hv a CAT!!!..he is soo super cute!!!...he is all white expt 4 e black patch behind his ear and a spot on his chin and oso e black tail..anyways..i feel so irritated...i was like cleanin n cokin e whole of yesterday...i feel so used... anyways i hv 2 go lah so c ya...