Designer : PauLeNe
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this blog is about my life through my eyes
any feelings hurt or spirt crushed will not be
not be held against the mangement of this blog(meaning me)
if you wish you voice out any unhappiness due to the blog
or otherwise look out for my tagboard where you can voice
your opinion about the blog and/or it's contents
any personal unsatisfactions about me will be taken up
in my presence to my face
entries in this blog are how i feel at that moment in time
and not my everyday presence of mind
feelings and opinions change so do not hold me accountable
for any kind of misinterpretation of the blog

well i hv some of my results back....so of them r gd some bad some nowhere exactli....but i am not gonna talk bout tat yet until i hv gotten my english n ss results back...i juz feel totalli demoralized 2dai...
well i juz found out tat 1 of e smarty pants likes 1 of my bez frends...well who or wat is irregardless...
i mean he is okay lah i supp...but my frend juz happens 2 b 1 of e prettiest gals in sch...
i mean besides being thin n havin a realitively clear complexion....she is so bloody pretty..
it makes me look bad...i mean seriousli look at her...he is nt e 1st guy 2 say it...n probabli nt e last...
she is great person 2..which makees it worse...
i mean i noe i am nt exactli gd-lookin...okay..so-so....a bit below average.....
but wat's e problem wif tat.. i am definetly obseneli ugly or anythin....
but i am like totalli ignored...every guy i pass by wen i am wif her..looks at her n ...
completeli ignores my existence....it happens in sch..outside...everywhere...
it muz b cos she is thin....yes tat is e onli explainatn...
i used 2 b super fat nw i am juz fat..but it does nt matter i am still FAT...
is it wrong 2 feel tat i wld like juz a little male attentn besides tat of my family...
all e boys in sch hate me...i noe tat 4 a fact..i don give a rat's ass about them expt 1 person...
he walks by like i am nt there he avoids any for of contact as in we neva talk..expt mayb twice in 4 yrs...
we take e same bus but well he doesnt care cos all e other guys in sch dont tink tat i am "babe" material...
i mean he did go out wif a bitch..wen he wen 4 looks...then wat's wrong wif my character...
am i snobby..i don think so....i don think i am better than every1 else rather e opp...
i think ever1 esle is better then mi...so y!!..i noe cos i am nt pretty enogh....
yup tat is like e onli exlpainatn....i mean wat is wrong wif tis world...
some times i juz wish i knew wat he thinks of me...wen he is not around his frends...
but i noe tat it will b nothin much....sick ok tis world is juz so fuckin sick....
n 2 e poor sucker who fell 4 my frend...it is nt ur fault but 2 bad...
juz suck it n go 2 RJC or where ever...she is nt interested...of n by e way u r 3 yrs 2 late....

i am like totalli elated...e prelims r like totalli OVER!!!!....
next up the BIG Os......but 4 nw juz chill....at least 4 2dai n e
weekend....well b4 i give e report on e prelims...
yesterdai...was like e last dai 4 e prelims so.....
S n K n I wen 2 e movies 2 see Saalam Nameste.....
it was a WOW!!! movie....saaif n pretty hvfabulous chemistry on screen....
i mean whoa they heated up e screen pretty bad.....
nw if onli they take it off screen...anyways it was a movie 4 e young...
nt somethin tat ur mom wld like 2 much...i mean which Indian
mom encourages living in wif some1 u onli noe for like 5 days rite....
it is not like they did IT until like the 2nd or 3rd week....they were
living in seperate rooms....but then..well u get e idea...i mean they
share onli 1 bathroom....so wat is gal supp 2 do wen she comes out drippin wet
wrapped in a towel.....well anyways she gets pregnant....protection
is onli 98% effective...there is still tat 2%.....anyways he totalli like
disses her n says she shld get rid of it but ..duh she did nt...he does nt wan 2 marry
n stuff so she is like all alone....nw 1 wld think tat she wld leave e hse
which they rented together....expt she paid 1/2 of 1 yr's worth of rent....
n she can't go anywhere....well basicalli in e bottom line....after much cryin
on her part.....he finalli comes 2 his senses n he proposes...in the DELIEVERY RM!!!
while she's in LABOUR!!!!....well tat goes 2 show anythin can happen in movies...
well it was super wow movie....sigh....i am like super sad after watchin it noe...
it is a happy ending....n sigh...well it is hard 2 put it...but i kinda wish somethin
like tat happens 2 mi ....minus e pregnancy.....i mean like findin some1 who
u noe is meant 4 u....corny i noe but still.....a gal can dream rite....
n honestli if some1 like tat does ask mi 2 live in wif them bout in seperate rooms...
i seriousli wld...n if u wonderin if anythin wld happen....i honestli hv no idea....
i mean like i am such a loser....i noe it is over btwn him n mi..yet i still
hv nt deleted some oh his msgs....pathetic....i guess i am still clinging on
wif mi nails...sighs....anyways there will b some1 else soon....i hope...
after e Os....even if tat some1 does ask b4 e Os i will ask him 2 wait...
nt long wat....n if u r wonderin who tis some1 is....well honestli i hv no clue....
so if tat some1 is out there plz come n rescue mi....prove tat chivarly is nt dead...
so nw lets talk bout e prelims.....
i will nw list e subjects....
ENGLISH-was stupid...compo tittles sucked..n so did my story...compre oso
e same thing expt worse....it was bad....
SOCIAL STUDIES-i am like totali dead in tis area....cos i suck in source-based
Qns...n i screwed it up big time....n mi essay qn none of wat i knew came out...
COMDINED HUMANITIES(GEOGRAPHY)-juz 1 fuuked up mess don hv words
2 describe it....juz a fuukin mess.....
E-MATHS-well paper 1 was okay..but e paper 2 was tricky..i noe i made like
tons of careless mistakes....
A-MATHS-paper 1 was like okay lah....but i made loads of careless mistakes...
n i actualli finished e paper 2....1st time.....but paper 2 was harder...
PHYSICS-u will neva believe tis.....i ACTUALI like FINISHED the paper2....
tat like neva happened...eva...neva thot it wld....it was a bit tricky...paper1
was okay...
CHEMISTRY-tis a fuuk of a paper....i don noe y mrs singh wld do dis 2 mi/us
it was a nightmare a disaster....onli one word can describe it...fuck.....
even tat is nt enough....
BIOLOGY-it was so much harder then her normal paper....juz hope i remeber
e correct fact n did nt mix e names up....

CONCLUSION-i am like totalli gonna die...i am so onli goin 2 go 2 pioneer JC
if i am goin 2 any tat is.....SIGHS!!!!.....well nw we can chill ....

p.s.mrs singh is crazy!!!our last paper was chem paper1 tat was yesterdai...
n guess wat she actuali processed it n gave it back 2 us 2dai!!!!but i am nt
gonna say my marks.....

*plz assure me tat chivilry is not dead n i am not fat tat there was some1 4 mi
out there somewhere*

i am hvin a panic attack!!..seriousli..i am in a complete...
state of disarray...in yesterdai's n 2dai's tution...i did papers...
4om another sch...n e results r veri bad...n guess wat i hv
physics AND chem papers next week!!!....
paper TWO somemore...only cow!!!
but it does nt end there.. i am nowhere near finishin anythin...
i don noe where 2 start....i am a mess..i hv 4gotten everithin....
i am like dead....seriousli....hw am i goin 2 get in2 a JC wif tis kinda
shit results.....
i am like a panic state....despite tat i am hvin
werid fantasies bout hvin flings....not e raunchy kind...e innocent kind...
seriousli...i mos likeli am tryin 2 find a diversion 2 my
panic and chaos....
well is nt helpin....juz makin me more panicky...for relaxin...
lettin my guard down....u noe...

well 3 dais has gn by..n nothin much has happened....
on tuesdai we wen 2 c e march of e penquins...
it was realli interestin n e penquins r like super cute!...
i wen wif mi grandma n sibs..2 cathy cinelesiure...
bought 4 pairs of earrings....2 studs,1 frog n 1 dolpin(4 mi sis)
then wen home at like 8 plus....n the nxt dai it was vinegar saturisthi...
but still wen 2 sch in e morning....but i wen 2 e temple in e evening...
stayed back until like 10.30 4 e panja ganapthy pusai...n still had dinner!!
at 10.30 at the temple!!...n e food was still hot..rite off e stove!!!
we left e temple at round 10.45 n the musicians r havin a jammin session!!!
at 1o45!!!.....insane...well collected prasada for Kohila n anu....but kohila
did not come 2 sch 2dai..so 2dai juz like yesterdai's english "lesson" was
super annoying...go 2 sch juz 2 do an eng paper..might as well do at home
rite...well wateva....n 2daiwas like aiyoh onli.....i hv yet 2 finish anythin...
i am aimin 2 finish all my TYS for e-maths, a-maths,bio n chem....
physics ....hv yet 2 tink of a plan...but i am sooooooooooo......
screwed....like SHIT!!! i am sooo fuukin screwed....
bloddy hell i might as well go n die....god!!!!!
SAVE ME!!!!!!.....

*boys can wait cos tis fat mama needs 2 focus on her Os...n her weight....
goodness gal u better shve pff those kilos if u wanna get in2 tat mini...*

well it has been 3 days n nothin much has happened...
expt tat i put another 1KG!!!!...tis is insane i so hv 2 find a way 2
control my hunger....if onli i cld lose weight as fast as i put
it on....*sigh*..well wen 4 mi 1st 3 hr chem tution...it was nt sooo bad
may cos i like chem....but i hate physics...n i had 3HRS!!! of it on
sundai..chem was on sat...well had like about 3hrs of a-maths
2dai in sch but was nt 2 bad...cos we had 2 go thru last yr june O'level
paper...which they rushed thru like a train...super fast veri difficult
2 take dwn e ans...well tat is all for e exciting news for u 2dai..well
like duh nothing much happened rite...u noe somethin....i am such
a doormat....no seriousli...like once im ur frend i will like let u walk all
over mi....kinda like wat i did wif him...i don noe y...i juz let ppl walk
all over mi..somehw it does nt bother mi so much....GOD!!!i am
sOOoooOooo PATHETIC!!!!!..wateva lah..even mi lil sis who is like
6 yrs!! younger walk all over mi....patheticness....she can get away
wif murder wif mi u noe....muz cos of way happened in pri sch...
wen i was younger i kinda said somethin wrong ACCIDENTALLI....
it was like super trivial...but it was blown way out of proportion...
n i was like all by myself for like a mnth...cos ny other bes frend
ganged up wif her...onli cos she was like e leader or somethin...but anyways
i keep thinkin tat i don wan to hurt other ppl's feelings..
so hence i let them walk all over mi.....
...*sigh*....

Yesterdai was a sch hol.."teacher's dai"...so i stayed at home...
duh rite...i didnt do much reali..in e afternoon we wen 2 e national
library...e 1 at victoria st...it is like super big..13 stories high!..well it is more of
a reference libray than anythin else....there is onli 1 floor 4 ppl 2 borrow bks...
it was pretti crowded...well yup then we wen to a shop 2 get tea which was samosas
vadai, n some sweetmeats...well i ate alot like duh rite...don noe y i am feelin
hungry all the time...these days....i put on 1KG!!!...need to diet!!!...somemore ate all
those chips n chocolate....*sighs*...well 2dai wen to sch..had excersie period...LAME!!!...
then wen 2 e hall got e progress report..n sch was dissmissed at 8.30!!!!..wat onli might
as well not go rite..but at least we got our attendence...but we stayed back until bout
9.30plus...then wen home....n i had amaths tution 2dai..was okay....
well tat's it that happened...u noe kohila talks 2 mi bout her bF or rather
hw she feels bout e breakup n e guy...i realised tat she was so much like mi..
well after i broke up wif him...i was exactli like tat..expt tati got over mine faster...
onli cos i clung on2 e hope tat there will b some1 else 4 mi...hopefulli...oh god...
plz let there b some1 else comin along soon...*sighs*..actuali i hv changed quite a
bit after tat relationship ...i hv more confidence..more flirty..n i don reali
care wat ppl think of mi...nt reali...i mean i tripped n feel veri unglamourousli...
all by maself in toa payoh n i did nt even blush...i am so much stronger...
....well i can onli thnk him...some hw i am no longer e same innocent goody goody
gal no more...i am gonna get a piercing after e Os....tat will look reali style...
u noe using a stud on e 2nd hole n using a dangly earring on e 1st....
style...tat's it....