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entries in this blog are how i feel at that moment in time
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Monday, August 08, 2005
now if u c from the title itself tat u noe hw i feel bout 2dai....okay if u havin bn followin u would c that i was supp to b meeting him todai..
n if u bn followin the luck that i hv bn havin u would c tat i did not c him...
y...well cos his dad was there...fuuk okay tat man if juz one fuuker k...sori
i am nt tat rude a person but wen i get so frustrated that is wat happens...
in fact i am reali polite i neva actuali sai the bad word unless i am reali pissed...
n i used tat word more then 10 times 2dai k....so like tat is how frustrated
i was 2dai n the amt juz keeps buildin up n one dai i am gonna burst....
n i don cry...i neva cry...don ask y...some how i hv become desensitized...
muz be due to all the movies n stuff tat i watch...but tat does not mean that
i dont feel pain...on contray the physical pain is more painful for mi n i fear
it...in fact i fear the pain before death rather than death..werid rite...i noe..
i am juz weird...like wateva...but anyway yesterdai wat happened was tat the
pain in my heart...i mean tat figuratively...was so bad i felt like i was dying...
literali...so i eat my dinner n throw it all up n in the process cry...that is how
bad i jammed my finger down my throat...i juz wanted to feel better...n in a way
i did but after like an hr or so the pain juz came creepin back...i do not hv
an eatin disorder in...i am not underweight...i am in fact i am on the border
of overweight....i onli do it wen i feel pained....but if i feel depressed or frustrated
i eat...n eat n eat...mostly it is chocolates or some fried foods or somethin from
BreadTalk...well today i juz ate n ate n ate.....i did nt meet him so i wen out
wif nazeeya n kat...it was quite fun...we ate at the shaw house...long john silvers
..n we wen to istena n i got a not bk loads of chocolates...i oso ate applewerm from
BreadTalk....n oso ate rojak from sch...so 2dai basicali i juz ate n ate n ate....
cos i am feelin miserable n frustrated...i don wat to do or wat i wan anymore...
meetin 2day was like my attempt at understandin my feelings better but...
cos i didnt i onli feel more confused n sad n frustrated n everythin...
wateva lah i dont noe he is like killin mi okay...i mean it...in sch i dont
feel much but wen i am alone i feel like a kind of sufforcating kind
of pain build up in my heart...makes mi wan to cry but i cant...i dont
noe y....maybe i forgot how to cry...last time i was able to hide my feelings...
act like i am happy wen i was not...but nw it is becomin veri hard to do....yet
i still cant cry....
even though i can feel it....
it is all his fault...the pain of missin him is like reali bad....
it hurts....