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Thursday, August 04, 2005
Today i made the most difficult desicsion...it was to let him go..yes to breakup wif him...i sat down in my room and stared at my four walls...and thot
about all that has happened in the last month n a half...it was the most...
risky n fun thing i hv eva done...i neva regret eva gettin into it..
but today i realise wat i fear would happen
happened...his father found out about him havin a gf...
i dont noe if he noes it is mi...but somehow i don reali care anymore...
wen i was in my room i thot about the first time we
looked at each other to the last time he told mi about.. his deepest fears...
i basicali let him do wat he wans...let him meet other gals
...if he wanted to he could watch as much porn as he wanted or read it for all i care...but...
....he stopped all that..i don noe y....
i always wondered y my frend liked to hv a bf...until i got 1..
it is hard to explain..but at that moment wen he is wif u or talkin to u...
it is like there nowhwere else u wld rather b wif or he would rather b wif...
it makes mi feel special in a way that ur frends or ur family can...
it is inexplicable but it was like one of the best feelings in the
world like as if u were living in the moment instead of thinkin constantly bout the future...
n u feel all warm n nice n u cant stop smilin...
n u wish that it would last foreva but time always goes by so fast wen u r wif him....
he obviousli enjoys my company n the fact that i was willin to listen to him..
i suppose i was smart enough to realise tat he was the type who liked to
monopolise the converstion...
so i let him not like i hv anything interestin to sai...
but now he is willin to listen to wat i hv to sai...
he has changed for the better i hope...
but he is the same goofy mutt-look-alike that i fell for...
i noe that one of the reasons that i noticed him was that he did not look or behave like
other indian guys...he is different..i like different..
y he likes mi is a mystery cos aint no chick...
seriousli he muz be like the onli guy in this world who even likes mi like that...i am
nothing speacial...he should go get a pair of glasses..
n i cant kiss for nuts...seriousli i am terrible at it...
so y he stays wif mi i don noe....n i know that tis was gonna b a long lastin 1 until...
his father found out n is now monitering his fone..
there is now no future for us...
i cant call him unless i use the pay fone but too many times n it
will look suspicious on the list...
n knowin him..he is so full of empty promises...i will make it up to u...i will call u back later....
there is always something he says he will do but in the end does not...
i actuali don care bout that rite now...
now i am thinkin on how i am gonna tell him goodbye..
there is nothing left n i don wan him to end up in more trouble or i get into trouble...
shld i still b frends n wen the whole thing blows over we continue where we left off...
wat if he finds another gal...will i be able to stand the thot of him n another gal...
i noe that it will juz rip mi to pieces to think that i let
him go n now another gal has got him...
wat am i to say good bye foreva?!....
how am i supp to tell him good bye...
how do u tell the single most exciting n wonderful thing in ur life...
...wif the exptn of ur frends n family....
goodbye..
forever....